I understand I have had some violations of trust, but who doesn’t, so I have to ask myself; how many of the trust issues I have are the result of my own actions?
I can’t claim responsibility for actions I took as a small child. I was rolling through life until I was around six or seven, without any real consciousness of being. When I was molested, I didn’t understand what was happening, nor did I or could have understood what affect it would have on my life, long term. My parents reacted with the knowledge they had of the situation, and for whatever conversations were exchanged, the molestation stopped. I wasn’t 100% honest with them, exactly what happened, so how could they know the severity of how it affected me?
The divorce was hard, and it seemed to affect both my brother and I, greatly. We came from a blessed existence. An existence that was compiled of two loving parents and loving grandparents. We were good in school by nature; we played a lot. We had our own bedrooms in a clean, well-organized home. We had pets and chores and friends. We just had no coping skills to help us navigate any difficult situations.
When we moved to our home, the one we lived at until I was married, something shifted. In retrospect, it feels like I was just in a swirling knot of chaos and when that knot finally rested, it became unraveled. I was the knot. God help anyone who got tangled up in the unraveling.
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