Big News!

For as long as I could remember, I wanted a younger brother or sister.  I suppose it would be fairly common for a younger sibling in a family to not want to be the youngest in the family.  Being a role model wasn’t in the forefront of my mind that I can recall, but I always felt I would like to be an older sibling.   

In the spring of 1979, while sitting in the kitchen in our little ranch house while my mom unloaded the dishwasher, she announced she was going to have a baby. I was very excited! The thought of having a baby in the house I could love and help take care of was the best news I had had for a while.  Like having a new doll that I had to wait in anticipation to receive.  Of course, my mom was happy as well, and I liked seeing my mom happy! 

Shortly following the news of having a baby, she and my stepdad announced we would be moving to a larger city just 30 minutes away, that summer.  I think the excitement of having a new sibling overrode the fear and anxiety of moving and starting over at a new school yet again, in such a short period of time.  

The home they chose was a story-and-a-half, 4-bedroom home on a cul-de-sac in the capital city.  The house was in a quiet, middle class, safe neighborhood a short distance from my elementary school, and a very short distance from the combination middle school/high school where my brother would be entering 8th grade in the fall. There was a large field near our home, with a giant oak tree, and a fenced in back yard to play.  I think my older brother and I were both excited about that as well. We could walk to school, or ride our bikes, so it seemed ideal. 

We moved into our new home in June 1979 and prepared for school to start at the end of August.  I hadn’t made any friends there yet, but I was excited to start school and was hopeful I would be able to make friends who lived nearby.  There was a large public swimming pool a few blocks away as well, and we still loved to swim! 

Within a month or so, my mom and stepdad announced they were eloping, and I believe our new grandparents, our step-dad's parents, came up to stay with us while they were away for the long weekend.  It was the first time I recognized tension with my mom and her now, new in-laws. I can imagine in retrospect; they were reluctant to be overjoyed by their youngest son settling into a life with a ready-made family and now, another child on the way. It probably seemed to them he was biting off more than he could chew, and they were probably right.  At the same time my mom and stepdad were moving and purchasing a home, getting married and preparing for their first child together, my stepdad was embarking on a new career as a stockbroker. 

I don’t know how many know this, but I discovered later that stockbrokers must go through a fairy extensive training program, and that program was unpaid. The economy in the U.S. at that time was in a bit of a crisis; high inflation, oil and petroleum shortages, and higher unemployment rates. We were in a full-blown recession by the summer of 1979. There was definitely an air of financial instability, and my stepdad was vigilant with efforts to conserve resources by limiting water usage, gas and groceries. I can remember my brother and I being absolutely horrified by the suggestion of my mom and I showering together, and he and my stepdad doing the same to conserve water.  Thankfully, it was an argument we ended up winning. To my mom’s chagrin, we were never comfortable with showing our bodies like she was. 

By this time, my mom was very pregnant, and we were waiting in anticipation for our new baby brother or sister who was due to be born in Mid-October of that year. The due date passed, and a couple of weeks later, my mom was scheduled to be induced on 10/31. I laugh now when I think about how miserable she must have been, but ended up insisting the induction be on Nov 1st, and not on Halloween. 

On Nov 1st, 1979, our little brother arrived. 8 lbs, 14 ounces, healthy and long. Our new step-grandparents drove from their home an hour away to stay with us for a couple of days while my mom and new brother were in the hospital.  A few days later, I had the distinction of being the one to hold him on the way home from the hospital. Remember, this is 1979, and car seats/baby carriers were not used like they are now! There is a picture of me in my pigtails, in the back seat of our 1978 Dodge Diplomat, looking down at him in my arms with a huge smile on my face.  I loved him immediately. 

The plan was for my mom to stay home with him the first few years, and she was able to, supplementing their income by babysitting, and later, selling Mary Kay cosmetics. My stepdad would walk through the large field every weekday morning, in his suit and briefcase, to take the bus downtown to work at his new job at a large brokerage firm. We both had started school and were making new friends.  Although I think we were both still reeling from all of the changes, life seemed to be moving along.  We missed our dad and grandparents a lot, only seeing them on holidays and the occasional weekend they would drive up in their camper and stay at campgrounds near town. At the time, the bus ride from our new home to visit them was about 8 hours, and we made that trek a couple of times per year as well. It just never seemed like enough. 

My older brother was having a particularly difficult time adjusting to having a stepdad and not having our own dad very present in our lives. We both were less than kind at times to our stepdad, something I apologized for years later. I’m sure there were quite a few “You’re not my dad!” comments flying around during those first few years.  

We adjusted the best we could.  Our little brother was a bright spot in our lives. We made a few friends and spent a few summers at the pool, and riding our bikes to and from our nearby friends’ houses. I began babysitting in the neighborhood and helped my older brother with his paper route early on Sunday mornings. We were getting by.  

The hole that was left by being separated from our dad and grandparents never closed for either of us though. 

Did you have younger siblings when growing up? How do you feel your birth placement affected you?  

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